Life Today, October 2018, SATISFACTION – Where Do I Get Mine?

Below is a recent prayer, it just seemed to flow out of my heart – my heart was so heavy!  

But it shouldn’t be.

“Father – so many thoughts flood my mind – my heart is heavy – I am overwhelmed!

I AM LONELY

 WHY DO I FEEL LONELY?

• You love me.
• You have given me dear women friends at church with whom I can share my deepest secrets – and they share back.
• You have given me friends here at Calvin Court with whom I can sit and laugh and cry.

Maybe the feeling of loneliness is another one of the lies my body/brain throws at me. OR sadly, maybe it is just my caving to sin.

I should be totally SATISFIED!
I feel Your continual presence
I experience Your love daily
You have accepted me and You show me that acceptance often

Then why am I not satisfied? Why do I seem to always want something more than YOU!?

O Father, when You have given me so much why do I long for fake satisfactions? It is as though I am driven for satisfaction that never lasts; while You offer continual satisfaction if I would only surrender. When the dark cloud of desiring more surrounds me, it is difficult to grasp the brightness of You – even though you are right here. Even though I can feel Your presence when I’m looking for something more.

Last night Joe told John he was reading the best book he had ever read. The book is “Heaven,” (by Randy Alcorn). It is the best because he is walking a definite path of death. Joe is gleaning a deep satisfaction in knowing the HOME that awaits him. As he said last night, “Wow! What excitement in looking forward to that first face to face with Jesus.”

Father, the wonder of Heaven is amazing!

Oh Father, direct me – I hate this sin of longing for more satisfaction, seeking satisfaction from other than You. This fake satisfaction I seek is like eating an ice cream cone – wow it is satisfying as it is eaten – but then it is gone. It has to be continually renewed – eaten over and over.

OR for me – the satisfaction of speaking or writing and the response from people that they have been blessed. Oh, what satisfaction that is. But it is only momentary, just like the ice cream cone, it doesn’t last.

When I KNOW that only by surrender to You can I have the satisfaction I long for – why do I continually go to all the false places to seek satisfaction?

Oh my God my God I cry out for wisdom
along with the desire and strength to follow that wisdom.”

What brought this all on? I got up that morning and went into a pity party over being a caregiver.

I am in the midst of the struggle of every caregiver – especially those who never thought they could ever be nor wanted to be, a nurse. So many things must be done, but feel so repulsive…, so sickening…, so fearful I might do it wrong.

I get little satisfaction from:

• keeping up with the 12 different doctors – appointments and new instructions with each visit
• tracking 17 different prescriptions (timely renewals and which doctor to contact for which prescription; which prescriptions at what hour of the day; organizing/separating so they aren’t given at the wrong time; remembering when dosage and/or timing is changed, which prescriptions I have to go into a doctor’s office to pick up)
• the depressing line-up of the “tools” that is such a sign that this is a home of illness (I actually have a memory of being in someone’s home with only one or two of the “tools” and thinking, “I could never deal with that”)
• the overwhelming feeling of what to do to calm his pain when I’ve done everything I can do, and I’ve given him all the pills he can have
• the list could go on but you get the idea. (I wrote out a long list but decided not to post it all. If it would help you to see the long list write me at myrefinersfire@gmail.com)

WHAT DOES ALL THIS HAVE TO DO WITH SATISFACTION?

A week or two ago I randomly picked up a Prayer Journal from the 1970’s – these words jumped out at me.

“Wanda, the most important job the Triune God
has given you on this earth is to support Joe.”

A dear friend in her 90’s, I was in my early 30’s, was praying with me when she stopped and spoke those words. It would be shortly after this that Joe was hired by Open Doors – so I always thought that “support” meant supporting him in ministry. I loved doing that and felt a lot of satisfaction in doing so. Little did I know, or expect to be, in the place of SUPPORT I am today.

If what that dear elderly friend told me years ago is true, being Joe’s caregiver is part of the most important task God has ever given me. If I truly love God as I think I do, shouldn’t I be satisfied doing what pleases Him the most?

Obviously, if this is His will for me to do (I believe it is, He has given me so many signs) then this is how I can bring Him the most glory.  Read through Coffee Chat…

If you missed my last post on Outcomes it fits here too.  Seduction to Outcomes

The Triune God grants (Philippians 1:29 read the whole chapter) that His children walk difficult paths to test who, what they truly love.

WHY SHOULD WE SEEK SATISFACTION
from our relationship with
the TRIUNE GOD FIRST AND FOREMOST?

The reason the Triune God created man was to bring glory to Himself.

Here are a few verses:

Psalm 86:9
“All the nations you have made shall come
and worship before you, O Lord,
and shall glorify your name.”

Isaiah 60:21
“Your people shall all be righteous;
they shall possess the land forever,
the branch of my planting, the work of my hands,
that I might be glorified.”

Romans 11:36
“For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.”

I Corinthians 6:20
“For you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

1 Corinthians 10:31
“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

Revelations 4:11
“Worthy are you, our Lord and God,
To receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they existed and were created.”

HOW DO WE BRING GLORY TO THE TRIUNE GOD?

Matthew 16:24–27   Take Up Your Cross and Follow Jesus

[24] Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. [25] For whoever would save his life(1) will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. [26] For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? [27] For the Son of Man is going to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay each person according to what he has done. (ESV)

OR

Luke 14:25–29 The Cost of Discipleship

[25] Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, [26] “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. [27] Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. [28] For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? [29] Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, (ESV)

Let me be very clear – Jesus is not saying to literally hate your family. It is important to have knowledge and understanding of the full counsel of God, the whole Bible. Jesus is saying here that He must be first in our lives.

AND

Matthew 5:44–48

[44] But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, [45] so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. [46] For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? [47] And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? [48] You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (ESV)

When I place my wants over and above what God has commanded, I cannot please Him. I don’t bring glory to Him.

ARE YOU SEEKING SOMETHING MORE
THAN THE ACCEPTANCE, THE LOVE, THE GLORY OF THE TRIUNE GOD?
Are you putting yourself before the Triune God?

Like me, could that be why you are not feeling satisfied? For me it is a moment by moment struggle. A moment by moment surrender to the Sovereignty of the Triune God.

Ask the Triune God to give you a greater measure of faith, ask Him to give you the desire and strength to surrender to Him.

Go to Proverbs 2 and follow the directions there. I have been studying this passage for 5 years and wow how He has been answering my cry. If you’ve been reading through Refiner’s Fire, A Sojourner’s Walk with the Triune God you’ve read some of the insight He has given me. I still have a long way to go.

Will you join me in this walk seeking deeper insight and understanding of WHO the Triune God is and the deep truth of the Bible?

I would love to hear your story.

Next Page: Life Today, January 2019 Accepting God’s Plan for Me