Life Today, January 2019: Accepting God’s Plan for Me

I have often struggled with God’s plan for me. I envy …

• the beauty of others
• the talents of others
• the relationships of others
• the human success of others
• and on and on

From my journal 12/07/18

You have shown me so much in the past few weeks –
how I wanted so much to create and live my own vision for my life.
What a horrid sin.
I arrived at my seventies believing I was a horrid failure …
I thought that was humility.
After all, the ways I’ve failed have been pointed out to me.
So isn’t it humility to accept it?
But today You showed me
that that belief was one of the worst sins of my life!
I SO disrespected YOU!
I was saying that what I wanted for my life was good
and what You (the Triune God) ordained for me was bad.

I was saying to You,
“You goofed with my life. You didn’t use me as You should have!”

Oh Father, Son and Holy Spirit, forgive me.
The pain goes so deep that I did that to You.
I even feel nauseated as I think of what I did.

You have given me so much –
from early childhood, You have given me such an amazing love for You.
You have placed a righteous fear of You within me.
Thank you for using me in the way that brings You the greatest glory.
Father, this all leaves me numb 
– yucky feeling –
as You have taken me so deep into my sin.
Thank you!

That afternoon I was messaging with Dana, my daughter. Messaging has become our most common and easiest way of communication as she lives in North Bay, Ontario, Canada and I live in Atlanta, GA.  I told her my above-mentioned struggles and she shared her own struggles.

Then she told me of how the Lord has been teaching her about this sin through the modeling of her oldest and youngest boys – who are both autistic. I asked if she would write out their stories for my Blog.

I, Dana, have four beautiful children. Four godly gifts from Jesus.

Two just happen to also be autistic with MID (mild intelligence delay). These kids are four of the greatest gifts I have ever been given.

People often tell me I need to pray for my kids to be healed.  

Let me be clear. I am a HUGE proponent of praying for healing.
I believe that healing is still for today and that God DOES heal today.
I also believe God allowed or even created
 my kids this way for a very SPECIFIC purpose.

Our family recently went to McDonald’s for lunch. Rory and I decided to get our food to go; it was a busy Sunday afternoon. As we waited for the food, we saw old friends we hadn’t seen in years. We told the kids to go ahead and eat at a table while we talked.

A few minutes later, I looked over and three of the kids were sitting at one table, while Jacob, our oldest, sat at another table with an older couple. I laughed, assuming he had sat down with them, but he later told me they had asked if they could sit with him. He obliged and kept sitting there with them, no one talking to each other, just content to have a place to rest their weary bodies.

This situation absolutely amazes me. Many of us would also have let the elderly couple sit down but may have then gotten up and let them have the table all to themselves. Others may have just declined respectfully and kept the table to themselves. Then there is Jacob, content in who he is…satisfied to allow this couple to sit with him…and comfortable to stay put.

This story teaches me a HUGE lesson. Am I content to be who God has made me to be? Or a bigger question: Am I content to allow my kids to be who God created them to be?

A few weeks ago, Jake found his DREAM movie…I mean this was an exciting day for him. It was a Paw Patrol movie that was also in a superhero theme. He was out of his mind excited. Now that he is 18, he gets money from the government to help him financially, so he has money to spend on things like this from time to time.

He excitedly took his new found treasure up to the check out line where he was greeted by a worker who asked, “Is this for you?”

Jake answered, “Yes.”

The worker said, “REALLY?”

Jake said “Yes.”

“Okay,” the young man answered.

After we left, I decided to not assume rejection was felt so asked him, “Jake, how did that make you feel when he asked you that?”

Jacob answered, “Oh, he was funny.”

 I told him it was totally fine to like Paw Patrol.

He said, “Oh I KNOW!”

My youngest son is 8. He has some pretty severe learning difficulties and is just starting to have a breakthrough in reading this year. It is so exciting to hear him read… it feels pretty miraculous actually. I tell him all the time

 “Benji, you’re so smart.”

He answers, “Ya, I am.”

The world would say not reading = not smart. I love that he knows he is smart. He is! He has so much to offer that many others do not.

So, my question to those people
who say my boys need to be different than they currently are is,
 “What am I asking for healing from?”

• Jacob’s ability to love on others who need a place to sit though it could possibly be uncomfortable sitting at a table with strangers?
• Jake’s incredible memory for the Word and His zeal to walk in righteousness like not many other teens I know today?
• Or am I asking for him to be healed from his ability to overlook a wrong done and just think the best of others?
• Is it for Benji to be healed from his ability to be confident in who he is and how his brain works and not feel less …
• … as well as his great love for the Lord?

I honestly feel many of these things
have been helped along because of
HOW their brains work.

You see I have human expectations. God has bigger things afoot than my simplistic thinking. He has created them for great things…not for their glory but for HIS!

When I think of what I would ask for them to be healed from:

• it would be things that would benefit me more than it really would benefit them.
• I would love to not have to fight for haircuts or to have hour long conversations due to concrete thinking.
• I would love to not have to deal with potty training issues at 8 years old …
• … or to explain why it wasn’t a lie when a plan changed, even for the 18 year old.

But you see, sometimes I think they are freer and more healed than you and I are. Would I like them to be healed from the things that make life difficult? Yes. But to be honest, I want to see myself and other neuro-typical people I know to be healed from things that they are doing or living in that make their lives difficult as well.  

Autism can be difficult
but so can all the things we do that get in the way of Jesus.
I believe God is using my boys’ autism to draw them (and me) closer to Jesus.
I must trust their futures into His hands
and know that, just like anyone else,
God has created them for a very special purpose.

On Christmas morning, 2018 Dana sent me the following song that eight-year-old Benji had written that morning;

In the fiery furnace there are ropes around our hands.
God snaps them.
We are set free!

No one stops God’s hope.
God is so amazing.
God rules everything.
Hope is so amazing.

You can’t overrule God!
You’re His creation.
No one can stop God ‘cause He’s in Heaven and everywhere.
You are not God’s judge.
GOD IS YOUR JUDGE!

100% written by Benji Force
8 years old, Autistic and MID

How many ‘normal’ eight-year-olds have you heard express the depth of the truth above?

• Why do we fight so hard against the will of God?
• Why do we think we are more intelligent than God? Have you read Job 28?
  • Has God asked you to be a Job?
  • A Daniel?
  • What about Jonah?
  • Has He asked you to be a “loser” in the eyes of other humans so He will receive great glory?
• Why do we even want something that God doesn’t want for us?

Psalm 63

“My Soul Thirsts for You

A Psalm of David, when he was in the wilderness of Judah.

            1. O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
                        my soul thirsts for you;
                       my flesh faints for you,
                        as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

            2. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
                        beholding your power and glory.

            3. Because your steadfast love is better than life,
                        my lips will praise you.”

• Do you seek God to the point you thirst for Him?
• Can you honestly say having His love is better than life?
• For more on seeking God and His wisdom study Proverbs 2.

Philippians 4:

”Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.”

• Are you yet at a place where you can say and truly mean you are content wherever He ordains to place you? Whoever He ordains you to be?
• Have you gone through enough suffering that you can say you have really been tested?

Do you want to be Refined?  The benefits are enormous – Read Romans 8

Read Heaven by Randy Alcorn
Joe, my husband, who presently walks a path towards death as he battles a hideous disease, Multiple Systems Atrophy, has read the book Heaven. Joe says it has given him an excitement, the ability to look forward to that day when he stands face to face with Jesus.

Always remember, for those who have surrendered their lives to the Triune God, our walk on this earth is preparation for our time in heaven.

January 9, 2019 was Dana and Rory’s 20^th wedding anniversary. Below is a card which Jacob wrote his parents. I thought I would place it here because it shows the wonder of how the Triune God works in the heart and mind of one humans think of as disabled.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am so glad that you two are celebrating 20 years of marriage…through thick and thin, struggles and strife, you’ve stuck to it and I’m so absolutely positive God is proud of you for sticking to both the marriage He wanted you to have and the ministry He’s called you to serve.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, “Two are better than one for they have a good reward for their hard work. “You two have fulfilled that verse to its completion in the fact that you two have stuck together like…glue to an art project or like a stamp on an envelope.

The verse goes on to say “if one of them falls the other can raise his partner up. But woe to him who falls and has no one to pick him up.” I hope you never find yourselves in that situation or place where you will have to go alone.

Jesus will never abandon you or your marriage as long as you stay faithful to Him. Marriage is such a wonderful thing and if we use it to HIS extent and not to our own advantage then we can still bring glory to Him no matter what the circumstance.

Well I could go on and on forever like this but for times sake I won’t. Happy anniversary Mom and Dad.

The Bible also says to rejoice. It literally says…and I quote… “Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again, rejoice!” Keep on rejoicing Mom and Dad. Happy Anniversary.

Love, Jake

Next post: A Perfect Imperfect Family